1. Philadelphia Eagles (8-1, No. 1 ranking last week)
Bye week fun fact about eagles? The concept of a "bald eagle" is total crap. From
"Okay, so adult bald eagles aren't really bald, either -- their heads have bright white plumage that contrasts with their dark body feathers, giving them a 'bald' look. But young bald eagles have mostly brown heads. In fact, for the first four or five years of their lives, they move through a complicated series of different plumage patterns; in their second year, for instance, they have white bellies."
2. New England Patriots (7-2, No. 3)
And if you're wondering which Patriots running back you should play in fantasy football each week, the answer is "yes."
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (7-2, No. 2)
Weird week in the NFL in which the good teams won their games and the bad teams didn't. The most interesting thing that happened was that the Steelers had to try really hard to win. Well that and
that a 20-year-old and a 44-year-old both scored points in a game. Look, I said "interesting." Not "thrilling."
4. Los Angeles Rams (7-2, No. 4)
Here's a list of all of the things I know about the world's newest fantasy football superstar, receiver Robert Woods:
- He plays for the Rams.
- He plays receiver.
- I think he used to play for the Bills, right? Maybe?
- No other things.
5. Minnesota Vikings (7-2, No. 5)
Quarterback Case Keenum was so good against the Redskins, he'll probably keep returning first-round pick Teddy Bridgewater on the bench. 2017 is a frickin' weird place, man.
New Orleans Saints (7-2, No. 6)
All Saints ran for at least 100 yards this week. Not those
. But they all know where it's at.
7. Kansas City Chiefs (6-3, No. 7)
I needed a bye week fun fact about a chief. So I chose to make it about the awesome
, who played the chief on "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?" Look, you can do your own bye week fun facts on your own NFL Power Rankings, jerks.
"Thigpen was born in Joliet, Illinois, on December 22, 1948. One of the first 'roles' in Thigpen's life occurred during her childhood in Joliet, when she changed her first name. 'I was born Cherlynne but I kept getting 'Cheryl Lynne,' and in those days nobody was called Cher,' she told the
Wall Street Journal. 'I had a hard enough last name to deal with. I got Thige-pen, Fig pen, Pig pen. I didn't want to have to fight for my first name, too.'"
8. Jacksonville Jaguars (6-3, No. 8)
I'm not sure I fully understand why, but I imagine former British Open champion David Duval appreciates all of the attention he gets from Jaguars fans every week.
9. Carolina Panthers (7-3, No. 9)
Quarterback Cam Newton and the Panthers scored 45 points with a receiving corps made up of Devin Funchess and other players that are both completely unknown to man and yet still somehow probably better than Breshad Perriman.
10. Tennessee Titans (6-3, No. 11)
The Titans have won four games in a row. As you'd expect, they marked the occasion by
of a man dressed as a pineapple celebrating. If I had a nickel …
11. Seattle Seahawks (6-3, No. 12)
After their win against the Falcons, Seahawks receiver Doug Baldwin said "'Thursday Night Football' should be illegal." Maybe he's right, but can we work on outlawing a few other things first? For example, any restaurant that doesn't serve brunch on a Sunday. What the hell is their purpose if they can't serve me a frittata at noon? We've got to solve these important pressing issues.
12. Atlanta Falcons (5-4, No. 18)
Defensive end Adrian Clayborn pocketed a $750,000 bonus for recording six sacks against the Cowboys. If the Ravens offered the same incentive to all of their young pass rushers … combined … for the entire season … they'd probably still have their pockets full.
13. Detroit Lions (5-4, No. 13)
True story. I actually started preparing a lion-related bye week fun fact before I remembered they played the Browns this week. We could talk about it, but I feel like none of us hate ourselves enough to do that.
14. Dallas Cowboys (5-4, No. 10)
The best story of the entire week is the pregame "Mean Girls" stuff between Cowboys owner Jerry Jones and Falcons owner Arthur Blank. If you missed it, it was exactly the same as the plot of
"The Gang Dines Out"
episode of "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia." Exactly.
15. Oakland Raiders (4-5, No. 15)
I don't know that a "Raider" is actually anything, but I found an
bye week fun fact
about how the Oakland franchise got their team name. It's one of the most iconic names in all of sports and the second-greatest name in franchise history.
"A 'name the team' contest was held by
The Oakland Tribune, and the winner was announced April 4, 1960 as the Oakland Señors. After a few days of being the butt of local jokes (and accusations that the contest was fixed, as [general partner Chet] Soda was fairly well known within the Oakland business community for calling his acquaintances 'señor'), the fledgling team (and its owners) changed the team's name nine days later to the Oakland Raiders, which had finished third in the naming contest."
16. Green Bay Packers (5-4, No. 17)
Running backs Aaron Jones and Ty Montgomery are hurt and quarterback Brett Hundley stinks, so obviously the Ravens will probably lose to them, 20-13, because of course they will.
17. Buffalo Bills (5-4, No. 16)
Remember when you started to buy into the Bills? That was about as good of a decision as trying to call the old Taylor Swift. (She's dead, you know.)
18. Washington Redskins (4-5, No. 14)
"We feel really sorry that you've played a tough schedule and have dealt with a ton of injuries." - no Ravens fans.
19. Baltimore Ravens (4-5, No. 20)
Bye week fun fact about ravens? England is kind of screwed
"It is said the kingdom and the Tower will fall if the six resident ravens ever leave the fortress. According to the stories, it was Charles II who first insisted the ravens of the Tower be protected. This was against the wishes of his astronomer, John Flamsteed, who complained the ravens impeded the business of his observatory in the White Tower."
20. Arizona Cardinals (4-5, No. 19)
21. New York Jets (4-6, No. 21)
This is how bad the bad teams in the NFL are. The Jets lost to the Buccaneers and there still wasn't a team I could drop them below. Yeesh.
22. Los Angeles Chargers (3-6, No. 23)
For example, I could have moved the Chargers ahead of the Jets out of principle because they were really competitive on the road against a good Jaguars team, but they lost on a field goal that they actually blocked .. which wouldn't have made it through had it not been for a delay of game penalty just before that. That type of behavior can't be rewarded.
23. Houston Texans (3-6, No. 22)
"Dear Houston, you can win a World Series, but you're going to have to spend half a season watching Tom Savage play quarterback. It's so much worse than you think."
24. Miami Dolphins (4-5, No. 24)
Donald Trump shaking hands > the Dolphins in primetime.
25. Indianapolis Colts (3-7, No. 26)
Sure, they're not any good, but at least all of their quarterbacks are also hurt.
26. Chicago Bears (3-6, No. 25)
The Bears lost to the Packers this week in what can legally be described as "a game that happened."
27. Cincinnati Bengals (3-6, No. 27)
Linebacker Vontaze Burfict in trouble again. Drink.
(Actually, on second thought, no. NO. Do NOT do that. You can't survive a life in which you drink every time Burfict gets in trouble.)
28. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-6, No. 30)
Congratulations to quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick on his win against quarterback Josh McCown and the Jets. And to think, some people think the quality of the NFL product is down.
29. Denver Broncos (3-6, No. 28)
To be fair, you have to credit quarterback Brock Osweiler for totally living up to the expectations set for him.
30. San Francisco 49ers (1-9, No. 31)
The 49ers beat the Giants in a game that happened because someone dared the NFL to have something worse than Packers-Bears.
31. New York Giants (1-8, No. 29)
32. Cleveland Browns (0-9, No. 32)
I'm going to request PressBox pays me more if I have to keep writing about them.