I've never been more excited for the start of the U.S. Open. I mean, I don't know who is golfing, I just know it's a couple more days where we can talk about something besides the Orioles. Once the U.S. Open is over, maybe Weezer can keep releasing enough Toto covers to hold us over until football season? Hopefully they do "Rosanna" next. And then maybe they could do, well, obviously no one could name another Toto song other than "Africa" and "Rosanna," but you get the point.
Rebuild like a champion today.
Given how completely garbage things have been (no, really, a lot of teams lose seven games in seven days), Bleier was probably set to move into the top three this week. Then he
suffered a lat injury during the loss to the Red Sox
June 13, and I'm starting to think that we can't be that far away from boils being the next plague to hit Charm City. Hopefully, Bleier is only out for a few weeks and has enough time after returning to re-establish his value before July 31. But we're talking about the 2018 Orioles, so that's almost certainly not the case.
9. Second baseman Jonathan Schoop (No. 6)
We can talk about how Schoop is hitting .136 in June and has next-to-no trade value
we can just agree to not really talk about it and instead watch
about how to make chili cheese dog enchiladas(!) and then move along. Cheers?
8. Relief pitcher Darren O'Day (unranked)
The biggest argument against trading O'Day is that no one would want to take his contract. But at this point, you're looking at a team being on the hook for a prorated portion of $9 million this year and an additional $9 million next season. If the Orioles are willing to perhaps take a couple million off the obtaining team's hands, this could honestly be doable. Since returning from an elbow injury, O'Day hasn't allowed a baserunner and has struck out four of the six batters he's faced, so that's a positive. But again, these are the 2018 Orioles, so he'll probably give up 57 runs in his next appearance.
7. Starting pitcher Kevin Gausman (unranked)
Since I put Dylan Bundy on the list last week, you already know I'm willing to trade anyone on the roster at this point. The difference between Bundy and Gausman is that Gausman has been … not good. Perhaps this is just another "first-half Kevin Gausman" issue, but we're five years into the Gausman experiment and we're still trying to figure out if he'll ever be able to pitch before Joey Chestnut downs all of the hot dogs in Coney Island. If there's another team that thinks it can do something with him and is willing to give up something of value to take that chance, it's time to at least start thinking about it.
6. Infielder Danny Valencia (No. 7)
His defense remains about as existent as Washington Capitals players' sobriety, but he's still slashing .324/.376/.495 over his last 30 games, so there has to be someone who'd like to have that in exchange for honestly anything.
5. Starting pitcher Dylan Bundy (No. 8)
He's allowed as many runs in June as Chris Davis has extra base hits since May 19. (Since obviously you haven't been watching the games, both numbers are zero.) If he continues to pitch like this, his numbers -- plus his team control -- would make him more desirable than getting a
Jerky of the Month Club
subscription for Father's Day. (My kids aren't old enough to read yet, so,
, someone let them know.)
4. Closer Zach Britton (No. 2)
It's nice to have Britton back. It would be nicer if Britton didn't give up three walks per inning so someone might want him on their team. But again, 2018 Orioles. He'll probably have to be sent back to the minors and converted to an outfielder or something.
3. Relief Pitcher Brad Brach (No. 3)
Yes, he got rocked by the Blue Jays June 7. But considering it was his third appearance in as many days and it's the only time in his last 14 outings that he's allowed even a single run, you'd like to think potential trade partners might be willing to overlook it. I mean, if Pete Davidson is willing to overlook the fact that Ariana Grande is 3-feet tall and likes to
lick random doughnuts
, we can all be more forgiving, right?
2. Outfielder Adam Jones (No. 4)
Can you even imagine if somehow the Orioles were to approach Jones about a trade and he were to say, "I just can't bring myself to leave Baltimore?" It would simultaneously be the most wonderful and horrible thing to possibly happen. It would both warm your heart but at the same time make you sick -- like walking in on your parents learning how to do the floss dance.
1. Shortstop Manny Machado (No. 1)
And because 2018 Orioles, Machado, who looked like the most valuable commodity in the history of baseball a couple weeks ago, is now hitting just .200 in June. The internet's Glenn Clark was recently asked for comment about the state of the franchise and had
to say. Machado is still the most valuable commodity, but perhaps the team should attempt to purchase a DeLorean before determining when is the best time to make the deal happen.