Here are my Week 11 NFL Power Rankings:
1. Kansas City Chiefs (9-1 record, No. 1 ranking last week)
I'm unreasonably sad about comic icon Stan Lee dying, and I thought of about a million different ways to shoehorn him into this week's rankings. But none of it seemed to make sense. Did you know there was once a special
Chiefs-themed collectors' edition of Spider-Man
because Andre Rison was using "Spider-Man" as a nickname when he played there? Neither did I. Safe home to The Man. Considering how quarterback Patrick Mahomes is playing, he could probably beat out Lee and Mick Jagger if he were to compete against them.
2. New Orleans Saints (8-1, No. 2)
Why would Sean Payton demolish a fire alarm in Cincinnati? Perhaps you forgot what happened to the Red Sox in 2013 after David Ortiz had a particular incident in a Camden Yards dugout.
3. Los Angeles Rams (9-1, No. 4)
The bad news is the Rams lost receiver Cooper Kupp for the season. The good news is that quarterback Jared Goff has
quite the shot
4. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-2-1, No. 5)
5. Los Angeles Chargers (7-2, No. 7)
My jealousy toward watching safety Derwin James' success with the Chargers is only matched by my jealousy toward anyone who has ever tried
pizza seven-layer dip
6. Houston Texans (6-3, No. 6)
The Texans don't have a very long history, but I think we can have some bye week fun anyway with 10 of their more random names of all time:
7. New England Patriots (7-3, No. 3)
The only thing more confusing than the Patriots losing to the Jacksonville Jaguars, Detroit Lions and Tennessee Titans this season is why ABC continues to run promos for "The Rookie" during football games that assume anyone on the planet knows what a "Nathan Fillion" is.
8. Chicago Bears (6-3, No. 11)
List of the most unbelievable Bears this week:
3. Receiver Allen Robinson
2. Quarterback Mitch Trubisky
9. Minnesota Vikings (5-3-1, No. 9)
More bye week fun:
10. Carolina Panthers (6-3, No. 8)
After getting totally throttled by the Steelers, the Panthers released running back C.J. Anderson. So yeah, that probably solves it.
11. Green Bay Packers (4-4-1, No. 12)
What do the Packers and former Hollywood starlet Lindsay Lohan have in common? If we're being honest, they should probably never
12. Washington Redskins (6-3, No. 15)
The Redskins still haven't been involved with a SINGLE LEAD CHANGE this season. And here you thought that acquiring quarterback Alex Smith would make them boring.
13. Tennessee Titans (5-4, No. 20)
(You probably expect that to be a link to the Dan Crenshaw-Pete Davidson thing, which will go down as one of the most iconic moments in SNL history. It was also about the fourth funniest moment of the show, which was genuinely incredible.)
14. Cincinnati Bengals (5-4, No. 10)
What's better than Marvin Lewis inexplicably keeping his job forever? Marvin Lewis inexplicably keeping his job forever AND getting another one!
15. Philadelphia Eagles (4-5, No. 14)
At least they got Jimmy Butler?
16. Atlanta Falcons (4-5, No. 13)
After losing to the Browns, head coach Dan Quinn said, "We're all pissed and disappointed," and I just sort of assumed that meant he was a Baltimore sports fan.
17. Seattle Seahawks (4-5, No. 16)
18. Indianapolis Colts (4-5, No. 23)
You can probably name like four players on the ENTIRE Colts roster. They might be the favorite to get the second AFC wild-card spot.
19. Baltimore Ravens (4-5, No. 19)
This is obviously the toughest bye week list yet. My goal isn't necessarily to find silly names but to try to name 10 players there is absolutely no chance you remember were ever Ravens:
20. Dallas Cowboys (4-5, No. 24)
Guys like me who thought Eagles were easy money even at -7.5 are kinda wondering if the spirit of recount season might extend to football.
21. Miami Dolphins (5-5, No. 17)
I'm more and more convinced they're somehow going to finish 8-8 and I'm still going to think they're about the 26th best team in the NFL.
22. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-6, No. 18)
Remember how all of those Blake Bortles jokes from "The Good Place" weren't quite as hilarious for a second because the Jags were much better? Go back and rewatch Season 1. They're hilarious again.
23. Cleveland Browns (3-6-1, No. 26)
Much like quarterback Baker Mayfield, I too have woken up a number of mornings feeling "pretty dangerous.*"
(*If by "pretty dangerous" you mean not spending an entire day acting exactly like a basic white girl, anyway.)
24. Detroit Lions (3-6, No. 21)
25. Denver Broncos (3-6, No. 25)
Bye week silliness continues:
26. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-6, No. 22)
Sure, the Bucs had 500 yards of offense and made five trips to the red zone and yet scored just three points against the Redskins, but it's not all that bad. For example, the Backstreet Boys announced they're playing Orlando next August and that's like only a little more than an hour away from Tampa, so it should be a reasonable drive.
27. Buffalo Bills (3-7, No. 30)
28. New York Giants (2-7, No. 31)
And for the moment, they're totally the best NFL team in New York!
29. Arizona Cardinals (2-7, No. 28)
The reestablishment of running back David Johnson gives many fantasy football owners the hero we needed. The
introduction of "Fork"
to the Toy Story franchise additionally gives us the hero we seem to deserve.
30. New York Jets (3-7, No. 27)
It would be embarrassing enough to have lost to friggin' Matt Barkley but in actuality they got totally throttled by a team that appropriately
adopted a new mascot
31. San Francisco 49ers (2-8, No. 29)
But for the moment, they're totally the best NFL team in the Bay Area!
32. Oakland Raiders (1-8, No. 32)
I'm not sure if the Raiders have like an official team crest or something but if they don't, they should probably make it this tweet.
Photo Credit: Kenya Allen/PressBox