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Glenn Clark's NFL Power Rankings: Week 12

November 20, 2018
Here are my Week 12 NFL Power Rankings: 

1. New Orleans Saints (9-1 record, No. 2 ranking last week)

Like everyone else on the internet, I'm seriously in favor of a Saints/Rams/Chiefs triple threat match for the title at SuperBowlMania.
 
2. Los Angeles Rams (10-1, No. 3)

Man. What a game that was Nov. 19. Just an incredible, close game. But in the end, one team had to come out on top. 

And congratulations indeed to the Charlotte 49ers for winning that game and beating the Longwood Lancers, 42-39. We'll never forget it. 

3. Kansas City Chiefs (9-2 record, No. 1)

Just a tough week for Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes all around.

4. Pittsburgh Steelers (7-2-1, No. 4)

Ironic that the Steelers were playing in Charles Dion McDowell's home state this weekend considering they got going just in the "neck" of time. 

5. Houston Texans (7-3, No. 6)

Which was the dumber take? Thinking the Texans were done at 0-3 or finding out there was a Flamin' Hot Cheetos turkey and choosing to NOT incorporate it in your Thanksgiving dinner? 

6. Chicago Bears (7-3, No. 8)

Friend: "Who's leading the NFC North?"

My brain: 
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it

Me: "DUUUUUUUUH BEARS!"

7. New England Patriots (7-3, No. 7)

And for their bye week, 10 of the most random names in Patriots history: 

Steve McMichael
Kole Ayi
Zoltan Mesko
Marty Schottenheimer
Jim Romaniszyn
King Corcoran
Joaquin Zendejas
Ishmaa'ily Kitchen
Ray Ilg
Maury Damkroger

8. Los Angeles Chargers (7-3, No. 5)

I understand the concepts of "racketeering" and whatever a "Tekashi 6ix9ine" is better than I understand how the Chargers lost to the Broncos. 

9. Indianapolis Colts (5-5, No. 18)

No biggie but the Colts (who the Ravens would need to overtake to get into the playoffs) have an MVP-candidate quarterback, the should-be Offensive Rookie of the Year (offensive lineman Quenton Nelson), the potential Defensive Rookie of the Year (linebacker Darius Leonard), an offensive genius head coach who wanted the Maryland job (Frank Reich) and I'm pretty sure your girlfriend too.

10. Minnesota Vikings (5-4-1, No. 9)

For the record, I think the Vikings are going to be OK. But also I really wanted to get this tweet in tonight and I just couldn't figure out a way to thread the needle so I'm going to share it here and then we can meet at No. 11.


11. Seattle Seahawks (5-5, No. 17)

Could anything be better for the Seahawks right now? They're red hot, they're back in the thick of the playoff race and Sour Patch Kids cereal is a thing now! 

12. Green Bay Packers (4-5-1, No. 11)

What do the Packers on the road this season and the word "illogically" have in common? 

An absurd amount of L's.

13. Carolina Panthers (6-4, No. 10)

I know Panthers fans are probably bummed about losing to the Lions because Cam Newton missed a wide open receiver in the end zone on a two-point conversion, but there's good news! Yep. The "Thanksgiving Crunchwrap" is a thing. 

14. Dallas Cowboys (5-5, No. 20)

Can't tell you how happy I am that we got that stupid "Monday Night Football" game out of the way so we can get on to the main event … Dak Prescott and Colt McCoy on national TV in 2018, fam!

15. Baltimore Ravens (5-5, No. 19)

I still haven't figured out John Harbaugh's postgame speech yet. 

"You haven't made the playoffs since 2014? GOOD!"
"Your organization has absolutely no idea of how to draft and develop wide receivers? GOOD!"
"Your defense hasn't forced a turnover since Buck Showalter was the manager of the Orioles? GOOD!"
"You stress ate an entire bag of Turkey and Stuffing potato chips because you were nearly certain you were gonna blow another home game against the Bengals? GOOD!"

16. Washington Redskins (6-4, No. 12)


17. Tennessee Titans (5-5, No. 13)

Just caught this new video of the Titans from their game against the Colts. 

(Yes. That's actor David Arquette. Participating in a professional wrestling "death match" last week because reasons.)

18. Cincinnati Bengals (5-5, No. 14)

Here are some interesting things about the Bengals right now: 
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-
-
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19. Denver Broncos (4-6, No. 25)

Their win against the Chargers was one of the more surprising things to happen this week. Not "no one knows that Babe Ruth used to be a pitcher" surprising, but surprising nonetheless.

20. Atlanta Falcons (4-6, No. 16)

Well sure, but if they gave out points for pregame cleats the Falcons would have won by a BILLION. 

21. Miami Dolphins (5-5, No. 21)

Bye week things: 

Isa Abdul-Quddus
Raekwon McMillan
Eric Ghiaciuc
Alphonso Roundtree
Nuu Faaola
Mike Iaquaniello
Jeff Uhlenhake
Uwe Von Schamann
Ulrick John
Pete Stoyanovich

22. Detroit Lions (4-6, No. 24)

Look, I know the Lions won their game this week and tight end Eric Ebron is a semi-OK player, but I saw a tweet this week about the Lions that was … rough. 


I haven't been this triggered since … the day before when my wife admitted to me that she didn't know the name of the actor who played Rocky. That's a straight shoot. I'm going to start drinking. Pesticide.

23. Cleveland Browns (3-6-1, No. 23)

Dave Wohlabaugh
Pio Sagapolutele
Mac Speedie
Adimchinobe Echemandu
Ibraheim Campbell
Rex Bumgardner
Babatunde Oshinowo
Ed Nutting
Bob Lingenfelter
Rex Hadnot

Oh yeah, that was for the bye. We've done this long enough that you knew that, right? 

24. Philadelphia Eagles (4-6, No. 15)

The bad news for the Eagles is just about everything. The good news is there have been a lot of breakthroughs in the field of wombat poop this week!

25. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-7, No. 22)

I'm starting to think the Jaguars might neither "take it to the limit" nor "steal the show" this year. 'Tis a shame they started playing by the rules again. 

26. New York Giants (3-7, No. 28)

The Giants won a game, the Yankees got lefty James Paxton and Mike Francesa was inducted into the Radio Hall of Fame. The only way this weekend could be better for New Yorkers is if … they could be somewhere else. With a modicum of personal space. 

27. Buffalo Bills (3-7, No. 27)

For the bye week: 

M.C. Reynolds
Elbert Drungo
Elbert Dubenion
Durwood Roquemore
Ed Muelhaupt
Scott Schankweiler
Jamie Nails
Maugaula Tuitele
Jehuu Caulcrick
Hezekiah Braxton

28. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-7, No. 26)

Sadly, the two teams from Florida that played this weekend came up short by just a single three-point kick. Dang!

29. Oakland Raiders (2-8, No. 32)

You ever notice that you were the kid who took a really long time to finish the spelling test when you were a kid? The teacher would promise that when everyone finished the class could have free time, so everyone was kinda staring at you when you were struggling? But look over there! Alex Marsh is taking a long time too! As long as I finish before him, everyone can be mad at him instead of being mad at me!

You're the Raiders. Alex Marsh is the Cardinals. And seriously, an 8-year-old is supposed to know how to spell "adventure?" 

30. New York Jets (3-7, No. 30)

Another bye!

Earthwind Moreland
Gerhardt Schwedes
Mike Augustyniak
Bob Talamini
J.P. Machado
Bob Schweickert
Steve Chomyszak
Kliff Kingsbury
Lucky Whitehead
George Radachowsky

31. San Francisco 49ers (2-8, No. 31)

Last bye for the week: 

Danny Abramowicz
Chris Maragos
Tino Sabuco
Tommy Stolhandske
Pita Taumoepenu
Chuck Quilter
Verl Lillywhite
Fulton Kuykendall
Prince Charles Iworah
Jeff Brockhaus

32. Arizona Cardinals (2-8, No. 29)

Sure, the football might be no good, Arizona. But you'll always have your lizard coffee. No one can take that from you. 

Photo Credit: Kenya Allen/PressBox